Make me a happy man.

i know you used to lay in your driveway at night and talk to me
i never told you that i knew that
or that i did the same thing.
i remember praying that someone besides me was listening
when the wind would carry your voice to me
and it felt like you had just walked in the room
my life was so here and there but no matter where i was,
you'd come find me
and no matter where i was,
i would find myself thinking about where you were
but as one season ended,
we started those new chapters of our lives
and when the dust settled
you were no where to be found.
i felt so betrayed but i never knew who to tell.
so i spoke the harshest words. you spoke the harshest words.
it didnt matter how cold it would get,
i kept the warmest memories close to my heart
like all those times i found the rocks to toss at your window
or the flowers to drop off at night
when it was closer to early than late
i know that when you were younger and i was a little less wise
that it was the purest thing i'd ever laid my eyes on
given we didnt start out on the right foot
but we quickly figured out the pattern
one foot in front of the other
together we slowly walked into some of the best days of my life.
i fell in love with you
and i intended to fall apart with you.

love yourself, no one else has to

I set foot on the train tracks,
the very place I was forbidden to go,
and I was terrified.
What's a boy to do?
when his curiosity abounds
and the faint and haunting sounds
taunt a tireless youth to step up to the confession booth
where not a single thing adds up
and a guilty verdict's met by some wandering fool's bad luck.
Open the gates to a stranger
as in the eye of God he was all he could be;
himself.
unafraid and blindly defiant,
young, abrasive,
yet soft, pliant.
He had served his years,
and his God had not lived those days.

those hours,
those minutes,
those seconds.

His God had not tasted those drinks, and kissed those lips.
he had not tried on those clothes,
or watched the countless numbers of doors close.
he had not noticed the pair of eyes shedding
the tears with every death witnessed,
the pair of feet, unfailing and reliable.
the pair of hands, curious and calloused.
or the memories longing to be told as tales.
again and again for centuries.
Arrogant boy,
love yourself so no one else has to.
and when they lock the gates before you,
find a way to climb them.

...

i am a witness to all of the horribly rotten, general no good things
i would oncce give up organs to do
a fained interest rolls through the curls of her hair
and in this moment i realize
i could be a good boy or i could be a bad man
freckles mark her shoulders and her neck
i was too scared to move so i just let you touch me
i am trying, i am trying to understand
there is one too many in this bed
and these capillaries burst as soon as things got a bit too rough
we are always healing
if i could just blend in for a while
there's a suicide phone on tappanzee bridge
it feels good to break a sweat in the promise land
i will make this easy for you
i crave your germs
not a stitch on dark eyes
it is my selfish heart that seeks your affections
i would call you sweet tea
if this is a gift then take it back
since when did pretty become a consolation compliment?
the words are hiding from me behind my tongue,
if i reach back far enough maybe i'll hack them out
i've got an itch that i cant scratch with my own hands

untitled

These are the times that try a man's soul.

SNOW?!

OCTOBER 14TH

dear world,

bring it on.

I Taught Myself How to Grow Old.

Its amazing how much and how far my mind can run when I allow it to do so. Its also pretty intense how it always manages to find its way back to you again, and again.

Ballons, Streamers, etc.

I turn 21 pretty soon. And I like chocolate cake with whipped cream icing.

Just so you know.

Now go hug your Dad.

Lately everything has kind of..

Sucked. From the Lakers being down in the finals, to the movies I've been watching, to the music I've been listening to, from how I've been spending my time, to the redlight camera tickets I've been getting, to the fact that everytime I walk outside it feels like someone is standing over me with a magnifying glass burning me like a little ant.

The name of this blog is really lame, thanks for putting up with it.